


Drug

by awgaskarth0805



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22033972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awgaskarth0805/pseuds/awgaskarth0805
Summary: Alex is on a medication that makes him feel depressed.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Drug

**Author's Note:**

> This is essentially what happened to me a few months ago, just through Alex. This is very personal for me, but I wanted to share anyway, writing it helped me, and I hope it can help you guys, too. TW for depression.

When Alex woke up to the sound of his bandmates talking in the front of the bus, he groaned. Normally, he wouldn’t mind, but he woke up with a heavy feeling in his mind.  
He was put on a medication for six months that had a list of extreme side effects. He wasn’t really affected by most of them, but he got an extreme version of two of them: depression and a bit of weight gain.  
The weight gain wasn’t very obvious to others because of how it came, but the depression was strong, more than Alex thought it was going to be. It didn’t take very much for his brain to spiral in a direction of sadness. He also became more sarcastic as a result of his medicine. He was already fairly sarcastic before, but the medicine made this so much more prominent in him, and it became something he used as a defense mechanism, rather than for humor.  
His band knew about what the medicine did to him, and they did as much as they could for Alex. They talked to him when he needed it, and they quickly learned to be extra patient with him since he really needed that at this point. They didn’t really like this rather extreme shift in his demeanor since they were all used to Alex being a happy person, but they knew that he didn’t have much control over this, and they hoped that he’d start to be more like himself again once he was off of the medication.  
Alex knew that this was going to be a bad day, as far as his mental health was concerned. In that moment, he felt a bit hopeless, and his mind started in the spiral of ‘what’s the point’, which it did quite often now. He looked at the time on his phone and saw that it was already one in the afternoon, which meant that they’d arrive at that day’s venue in about an hour and a half.  
Alex had been sleeping in a lot later recently, became he’d been staying up insanely late. After they’d play a show, he’d have some caffeine, always saying it was because it tasted good, but it was deeper than that. He knew if he did that, he’d stay up super late on his phone, just doing something, usually until three or four in the morning.  
He was very aware that this wasn’t a good thing, but that’s kind of why he was doing it. It was self-destructive, and he knew he’d probably wear himself down if he kept doing it, and he felt okay with that. This did scare him a bit, but then he’d start on his ‘what’s the point’ spiral again, using that as a justification for what he was doing.  
He really didn’t want to get up and conquer the day in front of him, but he knew that he’d have to somehow, since they had a show that night. He didn’t want to go to the front with everyone else, he knew that would be too much for him in this moment, so he forced himself up and to the back lounge. He laid on the couch, and mindlessly went through random social media sties on his phone.  
Not much later, Jack decided that he should check on Alex, since it was pretty late in the afternoon. After seeing that Alex wasn’t in his bunk, he went to the back, finding Alex laying down on the couch with the sad look that Jack hated to see on him.  
“Hey man, how long have you been out here?” Jack asked, sitting on the couch with Alex.  
“Only about ten minutes,” Alex said in an emotionless voice.  
“Are you okay? You seem down,” Jack continued. Alex took a deep breath before answering.  
“It’s not a good mental health day,” Alex replied.  
“I’m sorry, dude. Did something trigger it, or did it just happen again?” Jack questioned.  
“I just woke up to my brain feeling heavy. I feel like I don’t want to exist right now,” Alex explained. Jack knew that Alex liked physical affection when he wasn’t doing well, so Jack scooted over to Alex, and put his arm around him.  
“This is because of your meds, isn’t it?” Jack asked.  
“Most likely,” Alex replied.  
“I wish that you didn’t have to be on them. I hate seeing you like this,” Jack stated.  
“At least there’s only one more month of it left. Then, hopefully, I’ll be happier again and not feel like a piece of shit anymore,” Alex said.  
“You’re not a piece of shit, Alex. I know you know that. Does at least help to meet fans everyday who tell you they love you?” Jack asked.  
“A bit, I guess. I feel really insecure and stuff, so being in front of people is not really fun for me right now, either,” Alex explained, looking down.  
“Alex, I’ve said this ever since you started that medication, you look perfectly fine,” Jack said, knowing what Alex was referring to. This wasn’t the first time that Alex had brought this issue up.  
“I am, though. I feel fucking disgusting, some of my clothes fit tighter now, and that makes me even more sad. I keep wearing the same five shirts, because they’re all really gib, and literally anything else makes me feel uncomfortable. I want to lose some of this, but it’s so hard to do that on tour,” Alex said, starting to tear up some.  
“Alex, it’s all going to be okay. I promise that you look fine, and I’m sure that Rian and Zack would tell you the same thing. This is easier said than done, but don’t be too hard on yourself about this. None of this is as bad as you think it is, I promise,” Jack assured.  
“Jack, I looked in the mirror, yesterday in the green room and started crying. My mind just felt so heavy, and it still does now. It feels like I’m stuck in a sad state, and I can’t get out of it. I feel trapped and suffocated by my own brain,” Alex said, now starting to really cry. Jack hugged his friend and let Alex cry on his shoulder. After a couple of minutes, Jack started to talk again.  
“Hey, it’s okay, Alex. I wish you’d told me about the green room thing yesterday, but I know that’s hard for you to talk about. And, I’ve felt trapped in my head before, and it blows. I may not have experienced it as deeply as you are now, but I know how much that cycle can fuck you up. I wish I could take all of this shit away from you so you could really be happy again, but I know it’s not that easy. Like you said, you only have to be on this shit for one more month, and hopefully that’ll help this to get less intense and often for you. You know this, but I’m here for you every step of the way,” Jack said back. Alex wanted to smile, but he felt too pathetic and embarrassed to do so.  
“Thanks, Jack. You’ve been such a great friend to me in the months that this has been an issue. I really appreciate it all, but I also feel bad. I feel like I’ve been extremely needy and annoying, and my mind is so fucked right now that I can’t even return the favor for you,” Alex said back.  
“Hey, it’s not annoying to me at all. I want to help you through all of this as much as I can, so don’t ever think that I don’t. the only thing I don’t like is the fact that you have to deal with this. And, you’ve still been a great friend to me, and Rian and Zack. You’ve always been an amazing friend to me, ever since we first met,” Jack explained.  
“Do you really think so?” Alex asked, starting to wipe away his tears.  
“Oh, for sure, dude. Until you started taking the drug, we’d have conversations like this, but they’d be the other way around. I’d have the problem and you’d do anything and everything you could think of to help me through it. You helped me in high school when I’d have fights with my parents, you helped me handle my first real breakup, which was probably the closest experience I have to the one you’re in right now. You’ve taken care of me when I’ve been sick or hungover, or anything in between. Don’t doubt how amazing you are. Honestly, before we took this band seriously, I really thought that you were going to go to college to become a therapist,” Jack explained.  
“Funny you say that, that’s probably what I would’ve done if the band didn’t work out. I always wanted to help people, and this experience has really reinforced this in me. Feeling like this sucks, and a little help and support makes dealing with it so much easier,” Alex replied.  
“Well, you still do help people. Our fans love you, and the lyrics that you write mean so much to them. Honestly, some of our songs have helped me with my own struggles. You mean so much to so many, including me. It may be hard for you to see that while this medicine clouds up your brain, but you matter, and you’ll get through this, and I know that it’ll make you an even stronger person. Like I said, I’m here for you, and so are Rian and Zack. This might be kind of hard for you, but you’re not going through it alone,” Jack explained. Alex started to cry again.  
“Are you already feeling sad again?” Jack asked, pulling Alex closer, hoping to comfort him.  
“No, these are tears of happiness. Just the fact that you care this much means the world to me. Thank you, Jack. These last five months have been shitty because of the medicine, but you’ve helped me feel so much better on the days that I didn’t think I’d feel any happiness. I just want this all to be normal again, I miss doing stupid shit for laughs with you and the others,” Alex replied.  
“I miss that, too. But you’ll get there again soon, and I’m here for you every step from now until that point, I promise. Hey, you should start getting ready for later,” Jack told him.  
“Shit, I really should. Thanks, Jack,” Alex said, making them both smile. He went to the bathroom, feeling hopeful about the rest of the day ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is officially my 100th story! I wrote this a couple of months ago to help myself through everything Alex is dealing with in this, and I wasn't originally planning on sharing it, but I thought about it, and thought it would be the best option for my 100th post. Writing all of your requests the last few months helped me when I was feeling how Alex does in this story, and I wanted to thank you guys for all of them, writing became my escape, and I wouldn't have this much work up if not for you guys. (The medicine I was on is called Accutane, Google it if you want to know more (:) Thank you guys for reading my work, posting these stories for you guys really got me through a tough semester, from a mental health standpoint. I'm doing a lot better now, but I still wanted to share this, since I never really did before. Thank you guys so much, and keep sending in requests, writing and sharing with you all truly does make me so happy. Lots of love, Liv.


End file.
